


When The Sun Came Up You Were Looking At Me

by xLoveMx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Or kiss him, jeez just give that boy a hug, post ep 98, soft essek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLoveMx/pseuds/xLoveMx
Summary: She laughs and it’s enough to fill the cracks in his heart and piece it back together, even if it’s just for that one moment.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Essek Thelyss
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	When The Sun Came Up You Were Looking At Me

**Author's Note:**

> I have come to terms with the fact that I will just have to write the fics I want to read for this pairing!

_„Essek? Are you awake?“_

Jester’s voice finds him in the middle of the night, and while he’d been hoping to hear from her, he hadn’t expected it to be so soon. She jumpstarts his heart in a way he has never really thought was possible, and before he can even think about what to respond with, he’s already sitting up straight in bed, clutching his chest.

It hurts.

All of it. But most of all the fact that she is still willing to talk to him. Having deceived his friends, even though he had never planned on letting them close enough for that, had been hard enough, but the look of disappointment and utter betrayal on Jester’s face had almost torn his heart in two.

Essek isn’t even sure when he started caring so much. Her messages had always been different, never really annoying, more exciting, really. It had been a feeling he wasn’t quite sure how to process, and whenever they would go off on their adventures and he wouldn’t hear from her in days, weeks even, Essek would find himself craving to just hear that voice again.

It didn’t matter if she was asking him to do things, or just wanted him to come by for dinner. Love isn’t a foreign concept to him, he just never thought he wouldn’t have a say in the matter.

 _“Jester. Yes. I am awake,”_ He responds, biting his lip to keep all the other words he wants to say from spilling from his mouth.

The response comes a few moments later. _“Can we talk? Is your ship close? Like…can you tell people I am coming so they won’t kill me?”_

 _“I could tele…”_ He begins to say, but then realizes that this means she doesn’t want him to come talk to all of them. This is Jester wanting to talk to him alone. Essek feels his chest tighten as he blinks, before changing the direction of where his response was going. _“I will let people know you are coming. We should be close enough for you to safely arrive.”_

It almost pains him to slip back into the disguise as he moves to meet her on the deck of the ship, but no one can see him for who he really is and while he might be protected in his own quarters, there was no guarantee that no one else would see him on deck, even in the middle of the night.

It’s still raining as he feels the familiar spark of magic and a moment later, she’s there, standing in the rain, watching him. Essek briefly thinks back to the parasol she had made him, and he feels his chest tighten again.

Jester makes a face at the disguise he’s wearing but doesn’t say anything when he nods his head below deck and follows him.

She’s come alone.

Essek had wondered whether or not someone else would tag along, Caleb maybe or even Beau. She had looked about ready to punch him in the face and really, he couldn’t have faulted her for it.

“Can you drop it?” Her voice breaks the silence as the door closes behind them and Essek can almost feel an invisible force tearing at his heartstrings. He bites back a sigh but drops the disguise and forces himself to turn and look at her.

She’s beautiful. Even without a night’s sleep, her hair all messed up and a little wet from the rain.

“Essek. You look terrible.”

He almost laughs, not just because it’s true, but because it’s just so very her to lead with that. He hasn’t been sleeping well. Hell, Essek can’t remember the last time he slept through the night. The few days after the deal had been completed, he doesn’t remember sleeping at all. Every little noise had him on high alert, ready to be dragged out of the house and thrown behind bars for treason.

He would have deserved it. And maybe he would have cared less about it if the Mighty Nein hadn’t stumbled into his life.

If Jester hadn`t…he lets that thought trail off as he watches her for a moment. It’s hard to read her expression, and interestingly enough it was easier when she was pretending to always be happy and carefree.

He can see beneath a disguise easily, has learned to read people like that, and where he is from no one ever fully tells the truth, but he isn’t sure what to make of her right now.

“Well, it seems the outside facade mirrors my insides.” He responds, and suddenly she’s right there, hands reaching up and stopping just short of his face.

Essek feels his heart miss a beat as he draws in a breath and holds it. Her fingers are hovering just inches away from his skin, her eyes searching his for permission and finding it.

He isn’t used to someone else touching him. There’s no one in his life that is as hands on as the Mighty Nein. Especially Jester whenever she moved in to hug him or held his hand not but a few days ago.

Still, it sends his senses into overload and he exhales a shaky breath as her fingertips come to touch his cheeks.

He wants to laugh again, because he’s not used to losing control, but somehow Jester makes it so easy. Like it’s just that easy for her to crash through the carefully constructed walls Essek surrounds himself with.

Her hands are on his face now, and he can feel himself trembling beneath her touch. His heart is beating so hard in his chest that it hurts, and yet he doesn’t want it to stop.

“Essek.” The way she says his name is soft, like she’s trying to soothe him. Soothe the pain she can undoubtedly see in his eyes, because Essek has given up on pretending.

At least with her.

He raises a hand then, mumbles a quiet incantation, and Jester doesn’t resist. She trusts him somehow, even after all of his wrong doings, and it just makes his chest hurt even more.

He doesn’t deserve it. But if the Mighty Nein have taught him anything, then it’s that you don’t get to choose what other people see in you and what they make of it.

It only takes a moment for the spell to take effect, and he can see the hint of a smile on her face as she’s gently lifted off the floor until they’re at eye level.

 _I don’t deserve this._ He wants to say, but doesn’t, because he doesn’t trust his voice. His hands are shaking ever so slightly, and he forgets how to breathe for a moment when Jester grabs them, holding them tightly against her chest.

“Essek,” She says again, and then she’s pressing her lips against his. His head gets fuzzy for a moment as he clutches her hands, heart beating wildly in his chest. It’s enough to break his concentration and Jester slips down again, feet planted firmly on the floor.

She laughs and it’s enough to fill the cracks in his heart and piece it back together, even if it’s just for that one moment.

“Oh Essek,” She reaches up and wipes at his cheeks, and it takes him a moment to notice that he’s crying. “You need to sleep.” She pulls him towards the bed and Essek stumbles, almost falls.

“It’s not safe…” he mumbles, but Jester shakes her head as she settles down onto the mattress next to him.

“I’ve done far more dangerous things than go to sleep.” She chuckles and her body is warm as she wraps it around his own.

“Not what I meant, Jester.” He responds quietly, his hands still shaking a little as he lifts an arm and wraps it around her.

“I know. Just for a little bit.” She smiles and Essek can see her looking at him from where her head is resting on his chest. Like a beacon of hope and light, shining at the end of the tunnel with such intensity that it’s impossible for him to look away.

His heart is beating fast still, but it doesn’t hurt as much, and so Essek, against his better judgement, feels himself drifting off to sleep with Jester wrapped around him. Exhausted, but a little less afraid of what tomorrow might bring for them.


End file.
